i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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