I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
