You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
