You don't have asthma, your pregnant
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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