There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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