I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
