I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
