Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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