Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
