Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
