We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
