oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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