i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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