but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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