she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
