I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
