You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
