something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No subtext here. People are naked.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
