Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
