I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I could fuck to npr.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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