Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
