Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
