good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
