Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
