Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
