so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
