when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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