Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
