genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
