i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
