I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Semen is not good for contacts.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
