i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
