in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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