K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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