the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
