oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
