It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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