I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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