my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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