As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
