How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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