Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
