i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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