Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
