The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
