ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
