Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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