I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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