So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
