i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
