I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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